It's funny, when I was young I looked forward to the day that my cycle would start with such anticipation and celebrated when it did. It was a major relief that I had made it another month without an oops! How the tables have turned! -- I greet "Shark Week" like a sentence these days. On the one hand, it's reassuring to know that my body is, in fact, working and cycling. But it also means another month that Mike and I don't get to start our family.
I stopped taking my birth control pills in July 2009. We weren't actively trying to conceive, but we felt we were ready to open our hearts and home to a baby should we be presented with the opportunity. There were certainly times when we avoided baby-making (not the act, the outcome). Job changes, financial stress, Dad's illness, trying to sell our house, and other events or circumstances sort of haulted things, but we were still in a "whatever happens happens" mode. We've been telling friends and family who ask for three years just that -- whatever happens happens.
But it ain't happening. We've been actively trying for about six months with no luck. I've been charting and pinpointing my fertile days. At my age, it probably would not hurt to see my doctor. But we're just not there yet. Part of me wants to relax, get healthier, and just embrace the process so that we can be utterly surprised and overjoyed when that test does show a positive result. But we're also getting older. And we're ready. So ready.
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